On Wanting to be Zooey

I just had a thought:
Did you see that silly chick-flick with SJP & (hott) Matthew McConaughey (if that is how you spell his name...)? Failure to Launch? I have no idea what made me think of it, except that Carrie & I were talking about it the other day and the only thing I had to say about it was that I adored Zooey Deschanel's character. and, well, Zooey Deschanel. she's mad cool dude.

anyways. my thought is, most girls would come out of that movie going "awww" and wishing they were SJP (I mean, who doesn't sort of wish they were SJP, even a tiny little bit?) however, I desperately wanted to be Zooey Deschanel for 3 reasons:
1) as mentioned before, she is mad cool. great hair, an interesting voice, unconventional good looks, and she got to be in Elf. duh.
2) she is irritated most of the movie, and she gets to shoot things in the end.
3) she sleeps with the (secretly cute) geek.

I could even give up MM for the nerdy guy, as he is sweet, silly, and ego-less. I mean hell, they get to yell at each other, shoot guns, and then run around naked! this is what I've been searching for my whole life!

apparently, I'm going about this all the wrong way. how to change my tactics? can this be done online? "eccentric and quirky Zooey Deschanel-like brunette seeks unrelenting computer geek willing to shoot things (not people), drink wine, and run around the house in bedsheets with. must love chinese takeout."

I know this is a lot to ask, God, but if there are, in fact, any guys out there who would rather have a Zooey than a Sarah Jessica, please send them my way. I promise to try not to be so feisty.

xoxoxoBon