SAD

I thought things were getting better. I had my work under control, my Christmas music rolling, twinkly lights and the knowledge that in a few weeks, I'd be home. I was feeling better than I have the whole time I've been here -- consistently good.

Then the rain started. Awkward Igor called. I went a long time without really seeing my best friend here, and my phone shat itself and died. I've lost all inspiration to finish my last leg of work (so close, and yet so far) and all I want to do is curl up and cry.

I've been irritable and snappy all week, but no one's come over with ice cream and Sex and the City and Miller Lite let me bitch to them. I've skipped class and meals and I wake up too early every morning feeling sick. I haven't been sleeping much. All the stress that normally accumulates at this time of year is compounded by the fact that I'm here -- in France, away from all the familiar things that usually help me get through it. It's so much harder.


I know I don't have to wait to be asked, I could go to someone with my stress. But sometimes I want to be noticed. Not questioned or pushed to talk about it -- just acknowledged that I'm having a hard time and maybe some little gesture would help. Even just a smile and a few commiserating words.




I just really miss the people who know me.