I Took the Popcorn, or, Yet Another Reason Guys are Dicks

So, I'm at this bar tonight, trying to decide whether to call it an early evening because I am kind of bored or to try to meet some more interesting folks. I end up hanging out with two dudes from the area who seem pretty cool. One of them wanders away after awhile and I'm left with this totally cute kayak-traveling guy. We chat it up about where we've been, what we do, etc. etc. Fast forward through at least 5 beers and Jager shot (against my will, I might add) and we end up splitting the joint with his friend. A stop at the 7-11 for some beers and snacks, and then a search for a hot tub (of course, wouldn't be Sundance without it!) ends up at my place, where the pool/tub closes at 11 pm. Luckily, our resourceful man-boys know a little place across a short ski slope where we successfully "break and enter" said hot tub. Dudes get naked. Yes, naked. I, on the other hand, had the foresight to bring my swimsuit in my bag this year (thank you, foresight) and I put at least half of it on in the dark.

Did I mention that the aforementioned totally cute guy kissed me? Well, he did. So, I'm in this hot tub, swimming around, and the cute dude starts making out with me. A slightly awkward situation, seeing as how his friend is like 2 feet away, but I've had at least 6 or 7 drinks and decide to roll with it. Then...

sketchy friend starts touching my leg. At first I move away and ignore it. Then, get this-
cute guy says, and I quote, "Hey, why don't you give my friend a little love?"

WHAT THE FUCK.

I act all nonchalant and detached while I consider my next move, all the while determined not to end up in a "Fred Situation" where I take so long to figure out how to extract myself that I come off as confused instead of pissed at the audacity of it all. I can't remember what crappy line I ended up saying, but I do remember the cute guy's response: "It wasn't meant to be demeaning, it was meant to be empowering."

LIKE HAVING A THREESOME IS SO EMPOWERING. Is it really? Is that why people do it? Cause I thought it had more to do with sexual desire and BEING HORNY. If I want to be empowered, I will attend another feminist conference with a bunch of lesbians. Or rally against global warming, or fucking go for a run. Or even eat an entire carton of Ben & Jerry's.

Anyways, of course I don't think of these catchy comebacks at the time, so I finally give in to the power of Budweiser and start making out with the cute guy again. I think all the weirdness has kind of passed for a while, then...

you got it, sketchy guy tries to touch me again. At this point, I've got it all lined up: "I don't share, and I don't get shared." HOLLA! These people have it all wrong. I would like to quote myself, "Just because I'm in a hot tub with two naked guys doesn't mean I want to DO two naked guys. If I did, trust me- you would know all about it." At this point I proceed to get out of the awesome hot tub into the below-freezing temperature and try awkwardly to put cold, dry clothes on a cold, wet body. If you haven't tried this, I don't recommend it- it is deceptively difficult! My last words? "Later dudes."

But I took the fucking popcorn. Hell yes, it's not a late night without the Smartfood. And I was not about to leave both my dignity and the popcorn behind.

I could blame myself for somehow getting into these awkward, difficult, and often lonely situations- or I could file this experience away in the "hilarious stories to share with anyone but my mother" and laugh about it. Which I am sure I will. But, I have to let a little doubt creep in... if this is what it means to be in my twenties (and the past few years have shown it to be true), 30 can't come soon enough.

But I took the popcorn, dammit. I got the fucking popcorn.

xoxoxoBon

Live from the Sundance Film Festival!

yes, I leave tomorrow and I haven't written anything, interesting or otherwise, yet. so here goes...

some things of note:
1- last night I was at this DJ Spooky multi-media thing which involved giant projected images set to the beat of ice (don't ask, I don't think I can explain it very well). anyways there was an entirely new hairstyle there- at first look, a white dude with kind of skimpy bleached blond dreds- but upon further inspection, it was actually a very long mohawk which was dredded. which makes me wonder- did he have dreds first, and shave most of them off to form the mohawk? or did he start growing the mohawk and simultaneously dred it? these are the questions that plague me...

2- I was not allowed into 50 cent's party. hmmph. some crap about being at capacity... to be fair, it was the 5 Utah policemen that told me this. I did however manage to get into some other thing which involved a band, and I met this kind of pretentious local art student (or so he says) who is going to stay at George Clooney's house at Lake Como in Italy after he studies in Florence. normally I wouldn't believe this story, but I get the impression dad is some big shot and therefore this kid can be a professional art student and/or bar goer.

3- list of interesting people I've seen: Robert DeNiro, Jack Black, Emily Blunt, other actors I can't remember the names of, one of the founders of Netflix (as pointed out by Sock), other heads of other important tv/movie things, and probably countless other famous people I can't recognize because everyone is wearing about 12 layers here.

4- I randomly met some dude while getting a beer at a party who worked on the same film as the dude from last year's "hot tub mistakes, episode 2." I declined to tell him exactly how I knew Mr. Hot Tub #2, because I thought it would be rather impolite to kiss and tell.

5- there is no 5. yet. I have high hopes for tonight, as I have been such a good girl this year! the only hot tub I've been in is the one at our lodge, and I was with a 5 year old. oh but this guy drove me home last night and he was super cute! I kissed him on the cheek- twice! (blushing) I should have stayed in that car longer...

I am very very, very tired. but I shall trudge on, as it is my last night in this adult Disneyworld and I must take advantage of it. I will find a hot tub! or at least some boys with booze. tra la la!

xoxoxoBon

Only at Universite Jean Moulin Lyon 3...

...could one escape from a shady bathroom stall and say "Bonsoir" to one's literature professor, who's going to have a pee in the open urinals.

Oh Dear God

you come back to the city tomorrow! we can't wait :)

I have lots to tell you, luckily all sorts of good stories that do not involve me acting like a lunatic (at least not the most recent ones!) I have decided that 2008 must be the year I get past my lunacy. some of my old stories have gotten even too much for my hair colorist, whom I got to see today, and he did a mighty fine job I must say. the funky red is back!

ok that's it I have to go pass out now, earlier tonight Ryan and I found a place on the UWS that was not super fratty AND had $1 drafts. what what?!

xoxoxoBon