A Change of Station

I've been here almost six weeks now, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

It's hard for me to admit that I don't absolutely LOVE France, and I NEVER want to leave and it's the BEST PLACE EVER. I honestly thought it was going to be like that from day one. But all the stress of the last few weeks -- the money I've had to lay out, the inability to express myself or understand others, the most shitteous roommate ever -- has blighted what should be one of the most exciting times of my life.

It's made me think of home a lot more than I probably should. I really can't wait for Christmas. I am already feeling rueful that I'm missing the State Fair, my birthday (my 21st!), Halloween and Thanksgiving. These are the things I've used for the last 20 years to define my life, to work my schedule around and to get excited about. In fact, I'm hardly ever as excited about Christmas as I am about Halloween. But right now, Christmas is the brightest thing in my future.

This is not to say that I'm not having fun. Especially now that I have a place I can truly call home, I am relaxing and enjoying myself. Nice was amazing last weekend. This weekend I'll be cooking grits for French kids and watching the semi-finals of the Rugby World Cup. In a few weeks, I'm off to London and then after that, the Beaujolais for the release of the new wines. In between there I might even fit in a trip somewhere else -- Belgium, Germany, Italy. Who knows?

This is a beautiful country, and when they're not making me want to tear my hair out in frustration, the French are wonderful people. But I miss NC weather, and biscuits and cheap laundry. I miss going out in my sweatpants without feeling everyone's eye on me. I miss the One Spot. I miss Chapel Hill, with the football games and late-night Cosmic and shitty frat parties, and a last semester of sneaking around to get alcohol. I miss home, with Mom and Dad and Peaches and my little sister who needs a best friend more than ever. I miss New York, and 29th Street and cheap bagels (and bagels at all!) and real subways.

In fact, being here has made me rethink my post-graduation plans. I'm not so sure I want to take two years off and join the Peace Corps now. I might enjoy it, but I don't know that I would really love it. And spending two years doing something I don't really love is just wasting two years. And I love New York. I really do. Living there this summer only reinforced the notion that I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to move there after I graduate. Besides Chapel Hill, it's the only place right now that I truly want to be.

So prepare for me! Because I think I'm a-comin. Don't know what I'll do. But at least I know where I'll be, and who I'll be with.

xxxAnnie