All the Best & Worst Days

This morning I woke up and it was cold, and my eyes were puffy.
So, I put on my warmest boots and some purple eyeshadow.

I do not feel very much better.

I'm not sure if I am legitimately any sort of bipolar (though I often feel like it), but this I know: my life, my actual LIFE, is so bipolar.

Sometimes Life goes, "I'm going to let you run around the subway in your underwear and make friends and go to Brooklyn, and remember why you desperately wanted to move to New York." Also sometimes Life goes,"Hrm, I think today you can have a magically good hair day filled with all sorts of lovely new music, good weather, and laughter. And I'll let your hot new shirt be on sale. For $5.99." Then, the very next day, Life decides that I'll get bad test results and have to have surgery for something I can't remember the name of, something that sounds scary, and the only word I can remember hearing that doctor say is cancer, even though it's not actually cancer (yet). And suddenly, my very bipolar Life goes, "FUCK YOU."

See what I mean? How the hell can I have a relationship with someone who can't decide whether they even like me or not? What do you have to say to that, Life, HUH? If my Life were a person, it would definitely be throwing empty beer bottles at my head right now. Well, Fuck You too, Life. I want to cut you out. I want to make my own decisions. I want to stop being confused and wondering what will come next... brownies? health scare? The new Shins album? Coffee stain? Throw a girl a bone, dammit! Like I am not scared enough at what the hell I'm doing with myself, now I've gotta freakin treck up to some specialist on the godforsaken Upper East Side and hear all about how my body hates me.

On the flip side (when your glass is half full, there's always a flip side... how do you like that pep talk), today is my last day in an office chair, near cubicles, being corporate. And tomorrow I go to Sundance, which will certainly rock. And I am immortalized on the internet in my underwear... ah, finally my ultimate goal is realized.

So, I'll be ok, really I will, cause when Life hands you lemons, you make lemon drop shots, right? Unless you're a little bit hungover, in which case you can use those lemons in your walnut-encrusted salmon recipe or perhaps as a garnish. But I digress. Take that, Life. You are cooking for me now. And I refuse to let you fuck this one up.

xoxoxoxBon