Thursday Moment
It's Thursday. Possibly my favorite day of the week. Thursday's are so close to Friday's you can taste it. Thursday means that if you stay out too late tonight, it hardly matters because the lack of sleep can't screw up your entire week, only Friday, which is the day that everyone wears jeans and sneakers and takes a few extra minutes at lunch anyways. Sometimes people even bring musical instruments to work- oh how I hope that happens tomorrow... Thursday's also mean Grey's Anatomy, ladies' night, and anticipation of the precious weekend. Am I the only one in the world who loves anticipation more than the actual event?
I don't really like offices. Don't tell. It's so sunny outside my window thank god I get a window and I want to be wandering in the cold October and not wishing for lunchtime. Despite this, right now is one of those times I really am feeling quite content. I like my life, I really do. Perhaps even love it. I can never explain, much as I try, what these moments are or where they come from. How can I keep them, hold onto them? The days I walk home past Kabir's and Sun-Wah and all the little Astoria apartments, and think I really am very happy with just this. The nights I stare out my bedroom window at a darkening skyline, and know this is exactly what I've always wanted. How can I make this last? If I could bottle this feeling, I think I might be able to avoid it's counterpart, the days I walk home in the rain without an umbrella & the nights I stare at the ceiling and nothing else, and think nothing at all.
I hope you find this small, random joy I'm sure you do and I hope you find it sometime soon, despite the way things seem to just really really terribly suck right now.
I went to The Strand last night instead of the gym and it was infinitely better. I spent almost $70 on books ahh delicious books that will take me longer to read than the time until my next visit to The Strand (which is exactly what happened this time around, I still haven't read my last $1 bin bargain purchases) but I feel both very literate and very New York when I'm there and it is just grand. Of course I felt both very illiterate and un-New York when I went home to watch One Tree Hill. new guilty pleasure of choice...
Back to work... the moment's passed.
xoxoxoxoBon
posted by sissie @ 11:40 AM
2 Comments:
How ironic. I think I hate Thursdays, because from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. I have work-class-small break in which I do homework-class-class. Twelve hours of crap, although I agree with you that it's nice not to have to worry about staying out or up too late.
Anticipation has always been better than the event for me, mostly because the event has always seemed to disappoint (perhaps because of the over-anticipation?). I like the Christmas season much better than actual Christmas. Thinking about summer while in the midst of exams is always more rewarding than actual summer when I am always working. The future in general seems so much brighter than when it actually arrives.
And yet -- you've managed both to anticipate and to achieve. Your little Queens paradise: perhaps not exactly what you dreamed of when the idea of New York first manifested itself, but still ineffably marvelous. Perhaps it's because your anticipation wasn't explicitly realized that your satisfaction now is possible. I think that's nice. Jon Bon Jovi (don't laugh! Okay, laugh if you want to) once said, and I've always repeated it, "Map out your life, but do it in pencil." How often do I need to remember that!
Sigh. Back to the ole textbook. Thanks for writing such a hope-inducing entry.
Also, can we go to the Strand when I come up?
xxxAnnie
yes, so true about the holiday season. that's why I think Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday. you can experience it and still know there's more to come, the anticipation has not left you with the kind of sad "it's over" feeling I always get on Christmas. I always thought that was really messed up, so actually have never admitted it to anyone- I always get a little sad on Christmas. ha, now you know.
and the Bon Jovi quote is right on (I can't laugh at you if you've read my next post about MJ and Rent!)
we shall go to the Strand and stay all day if you like.
xoxoxoBon
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